Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Monthly Highlights

Well folks, it's that time of year again! The end of April brings out lots of stuff. (Because I forgot to do March, we'll start from March)
And now...

Boxhead: The Zombie Wars- Definitely the best game out of March
Shift 2- Not my favorite, but stood out from the rest of April's crowd
You Have To Burn The Rope-Quirky, funny, and something that will make you laugh your balls off. Listen to the end song!
Please have fun with these kickass games, and see you in May!

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

The Game of Disorientation

Circles, Squares, and Triangles oh my!

Be warned: If you have bad memory, do not play this game! Because if you do, you'll lose track of your direction, real booby traps, and so much more. If you have a good memory though, you'll find a fun, challenging game that will keep your stomach in a very happy mood...

Pros: Fun, challenging, easy
Cons: Dizzying, vomit-inducing
Overall: Got a barf bag? You'll need it noobs, but pros just need their skill. 75%

Super Energy Apocalypse

Zombies galore!

This quirky little RTS pits you in a hostile environment: defend your base from zombies galore! Create a little town and buy interesting things, from defense systems to garbage trucks. A bit of Sim City mixed with Boxhead: The Zombie Wars sounds good right? Too bad; the game was not as addictive or hands on as Boxhead: ZWars.

Pros: Sim City with zombie hordes, interesting gameplay, traceable history to Boxhead: The Zombie Wars
Cons: Too boring, not hands on
Overall: If you think Boxhead: The Zombie Wars is to difficult or violent, this game should be tried out. 65%


Geometry Wars Jr.

While reviewing Boomstick, I noticed that I had forgotten to talk about ZunderFury, the almost perfect imitation of GWars.
Boomstick is for people who want fun and simple games that can be played within minutes. That's good, but like I said Boomstick doesn't have much long lasting influence.
Likewise, ZunderFury is more serious. Powerups are bought and are long lasting (besides bombs), and the gameplay is exactly the same as GWars. Unfortunately, ZunderFury is all about dedication to the game: leveling up your ship and getting different powerups.

Pros: Perfect GWars clone
Cons: Lacks addictivity the longer you play it
Overall: ZunderFury is great for GWars diehards, but for fast-paced quick play it utterly fails. 92%


Honey, I shot the kids

Ah, the good old days. Before Thing Thing was created. And before GeometryWars went bust. Still miss it? Then Boomstick is the best alternative.
Although ZunderFury is more like GWars, Boomstick is faster, funner, and more addictive than ZFury. In Boomstick, you only die when you run out of ammo, so fast-paced, run-and-get-shit-before-it-disappears action occurs. Ammo dispersion sucks balls, but besides that, Boomstick will blow you away.

Pros: Fun, fast-paced, like classic shoot 'em up flash games
Cons: Gay ammo dispersion, too repetitive, gets boring really quickly

Overall: Boomstick is a game for GWars lovers who don't have that much time on their hands. 92%

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Shift 2

Shift Happens

Remember good old Shift? The game with the references? Guess what-the sequel just came out. And it's hardcore.
This time, Shit 2 stops the references and instead makes up taunts of its own. More fun comes in droves, and new items, squares, and puzzles will make your head explode! Another sweet thing: Shift 2 has medals, trophies, and a hot babe of a map maker!
Unfortunately, your head may explode due to frustration, but that's okay I guess: Shift is a puzzler.

Pros: Bigger and better than Shift, got rid of the Portal jokes, mapmaker
Cons: Frustratingly annoying
Overall: Shift 2 is way better than the original, and it's also ditched the dur dur dur jokes. 94%

Thursday, 10 April 2008

Special: Upcoming Project

I won't tell you any details on this, but be warned...farts are smelly.

Special: Sneak Peek at scorpios' new game

The day scorpios' awesome flash game comes out (the demo at least).

Guess what. The other day, I got to test try his "awesome" game...and I'm sorry to say that it's more boring than Asteroids.

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

You Have To Burn The Rope

Burn baby burn!

This funny and quirky little platformer was short but funny. Yeah...that's about it. 90%

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Asteroids by scorpios

Thing Thing 2 is the best game in the world compared to this

Huh. At Kongregate, some of you have wondered what I meant when I said, "almost as lame as Asteroids by scorpios". Guess what, I've decided to tell you about the pros and cons.

Pros: Uh...there's a point?
Cons: Bad everything, stolen

Overall: Scorpios, start working on Flash a little bit harder. 1% (ouch...)

No offense by the way. XD

The Lame Platformer

LAME...but sort of fun...

The Unfair Platformer. Fancy Pants Adventures. Monolith's Mario World.
And now...
The Lame Platformer (exclusively at Kongregate). Equipped with lame physics, lame ball control, and lame animation, this game is definitely NOT the few games mentioned above. But, this game is surprisingly addictive, and definitely better than Thing Thing 2 (the ironies of life lol?)

Pros: Addictive, you don't need a super fast computer to enjoy this
Cons: Lame everything

Overall: The Average game. Yeah...I made this, but I'm rating it as it is. 45%

Portal: The Flash Game

Piece of cake my ass...

Remember Shift? The game that had stupid references? Well, guess what-this game IS the reference.
Controls were very annoying and the graphics sucked hardcore arse, but besides that, it's like the game. Very entertaining...if you don't mind graphics and controls.

Pros: Like the game
Cons: Gay controls and animation

Overall: Shift is much more fun than this. 85%

The Visitor

O' Kurt Russell, where art thou?

The Visitor is an awesome point/click adventure about a parasite that lands on earth...with gory results. Grosser than Dark Cut, The Visitor had some violent and EWWW parts, but besides that, it was a short puzzle that entertained me- for a long time. Puzzle Pros will enjoy the animation and try to find all secret endings, while Puzzle Noobs will have a good time checking out the awesome animation.

Pros: Puzzle Lovers and Puzzle Haters can love this game, nice animation, puzzling but not omfgwtfiswrongwiththisgame
Cons: Very, very bloody.

Overall: A must try...but there will be blood. 98%

Thursday, 3 April 2008

Thing Thing 4

Twice the number, twice the shit

Remember the legendary 'Thing Thing' series? I don't care if it's a legend-Thing Thing just plain sucks.
The newest installment pits you as the guy from the other games trying to escape from the little shithole he's stuck in. There's no more recoil problems, which made this game pretty breezy...besides the fact that this game is Lagatopia Central. No matter how uber your comp is, this crap lags. So here's a question for you: would you rather play Crysis, the hottest game on the market, or Thing Thing 4, the laggiest crap ever created?

Pros: Better graphics, no more gay recoil
Cons: LAGGY LAND, not worth playing at all
Overall: Unless you're a Thing Thing die-hard or some dick without a life, don't play this crappy game at all. 25%

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

WhiteboardWar: ChopRaider

Just like 'Nam and Saigon eh?

In this fun little game, you're a little whiteboard chopper running around shooting at turrets and bombing war factories. Simple, fun, and fast. Like a search-and-destroy team.

Pros: simple, fun, fast
Cons: cheesical graphics, not much lasting appeal

Overall: WhiteboardWar: ChopRaider is a fun game, but don't expect to become addicted to it. 90%

Warlords: Call to Arms

Warcraft or Warcrap?

Warlords: Call to Arms is an exciting strategy game from Ben Olding. Choose from 9 different races and 25 campaigns to battle it out for conquest!
This game had fairly awkward controls, but once you get the hang of them, you should be able to own a couple easy challenges! Upgrades and buying units were very common throughout Warlords, which made me feel up to date with the battles getting harder and harder. The graphics are lame, but this definitely is not crap.

Pros: Fun, lets you adapt to harder battles
Cons: Crap graphics, awkward controls

Overall: No Warcraft, but very far ahead of Warcrap. 90%

Tuesday, 1 April 2008


Is this platformer worth risking your sanity for?

Please play Mindscape: the most insane platformer ever created. Collect stupid stuff and find secret items before you go insane. First off: The character seemed stupid, and would walk towards enemies while in midair. And the game doesn't tell you if you can change angles on which platforms.
Pros: Fun, creative, cool music
Cons: INSANELY ANNOYING, stupid character, time consuming, laggy

Overall: Mindscape gets a 75%. This game is very unique, but is so fucked up, you'll be wishing you could blow your brains out instead.

April Fools Day!

Have you gotten Rick Rolled yet?
Anyway, I have sad news. Yesterday at 5:00 a.m. Fancy Pants 2 was taken off all flash game websites. I searched in vain for Fancy Pants 2, but found nothing!
Okay, that was a bad April Fools prank so, uh April Fools!